It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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