david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
