Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
why is half of my head shaved?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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