:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
