It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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