Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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