Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
