saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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