i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
