Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
