Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
