Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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