she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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