I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
