i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
