And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
