break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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