you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
