Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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