how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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