I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
