My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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