She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
