Too much gin, very little bucket
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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