Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
