Someone shit on the floor
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
