the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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