i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
