one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
no more duck duck goose at the bar
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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