Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
