The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
