i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
