so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
