I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
