he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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