They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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