My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
