I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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