hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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