If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want nice things and good sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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