They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
