I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
