Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
