How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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