So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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