so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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