I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
