I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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