hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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