I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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