where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
