Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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