Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
