i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
