I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize