4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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