Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
