Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
