So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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