How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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