so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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