Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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