Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
