I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
