call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
