She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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