I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
