saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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