susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
