Need sex. Gaining weight.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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