sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm sobbing to NWA
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
