I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
