I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize