its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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